As Foretold by  Jacob Mathias

Aries: March 21-April 19 – You will meet a tall, dark stranger. Run away.

Taurus: April 20 – May 20 – You’re going to have a bad day. Some days are like that. Accept it.

Gemini: May 21 – June 20 – A family member will ask you for money today. No advice here.

Cancer: June 21 – July 22 – You’ll find a penny on the street. It won’t be lucky.

Leo: July 23 – August 22 – That itch you can’t scratch? You’ll never reach it, and neither will anyone else.

Virgo: August 23 – September 22 – You’re looking for love in all the wrong places. There are no right places for you.

Libra: September 23 – October 22 – You’ll receive a job rejection letter in the mail soon.

Scorpio: October 23 – November 21 – Did you do your taxes? Because you’re being audited.

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21 – When you drink milk out of the carton in the middle of the night, it will have turned.

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19 – Your upcoming dentist appointment will reveal 3 cavities and lead to a root canal.

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18 – You have an upcoming project due at work. Your kid will delete the files.

Pisces: February 19 – March 20 – That gym you pay for every month? You still won’t go today.

**We hope you enjoyed this April Fool’s Day gag.