By Paula O’Kray

Let’s face it, we all have our favorite seasons and for all sorts of reasons. And while they all have endearing qualities about them, some have quite a few less than others. This of course, is for completely personal reasons, and not all will agree, since we all have differing criteria. For me however, the current season is the most trying. Here, in no particular order, are at least 10 reasons why.

No. 1: Spring weather is unpredictable. We all know Mother Nature loves to play games, but never more so than in spring time. And while March may come in like a lion and go out like a lamb, which would impart that the weather pattern for spring is somewhat linear. It’s not. It’s incredibly erratic, and that is really annoying.

The sun can be shining and blue skies abounding, but take one step outside and the wind can still be in subzero temps and cut through you like a knife. Just last weekend there were blue skies surrounded by clouds that actually looked like tornadoes. Only they weren’t tornadoes, they were storm clouds full of snow. It was a very strange day.

The cruelest part is when one of these days follows a bunch of beautiful ones where it’s so warm you don’t need a coat – and you mistakenly head outside without one, only to be rudely reminded that no, this is Wisconsin, and you should never assume anything when it comes to the weather.

No. 2: Spring is messy. There is no other time of year that so much dirt finds its way to the wrong place. Every entryway to the house is a virtual sandbox, and it sticks to the bottoms of bare feet … mine and the dog’s.

She’s used to stopping on the steps as she comes in so she can be toweled off, and she’s very patient as I take the time to gently wipe down her paws. The blanket on the backseat of my car, covered to protect from muddy doggy feet and a dirty undercarriage from romps at the dog park, has to be shaken out several times a week.

No.3: Spring is ugly. At least early spring is. As the snowbanks melt away they leave everything looking dirty, gray and sad. All the garbage, plastic bags and cigarette butts they caught over the winter months are revealed and it looks like no one in town owns a trash can.

Please, if you are a smoker, take the time to dispose of your butt properly. If you still use plastic bags, please make an effort to stop. Everyone benefits when you take pride and ownership in your community. Thank you.

No. 4: Spring is a trickster. It talks you into taking all that winter stuff out of your car too early. You’ll remove your mittens, extra hat and scarf, and your ice scraper only to come out of your windowless office at 5 p.m. to find your car covered in six inches of snow.

If you listen carefully, you’ll hear Mom Nature snickering quietly under her breath as you awkwardly use your arm in place of the scraper while the snow falls down in between all the places you’re no longer wearing winter garb.

No.5: Spring is a faker. It will send you a long-awaited thunderstorm to ease your aching winter heart, and you will be so excited that you’ll tear off all the window plastic you so carefully put on in the fall, so that you can fall asleep listening to the relaxing and wonderful combination of rain and thunder.

Then, you will wake up in the morning to snow-covered trees outside your bedroom window and an ice cold chill in the air with the dog looking back at you as if to say, “What the heck is wrong with you?”

No. 6: Spring is a tattletale. It reminds you of all the chores you ignored all winter because it was too cold and too dark, and you just wanted to relax on the couch with a glass of wine and a fuzzy dog at your feet. The stuff on the porch, the stuff in the yard, the things you should’ve bothered to take inside are now ruined and need to be tossed or cleaned, and there’s a garage full of all sorts of projects you didn’t want to deal with in below-zero temperatures. Yep, you forgot … but spring remembered.

No. 7: Spring is evil. Spring will send you five days of absolutely glorious weather as you go to work and spend eight hours of a sunshiny, incredible day inside, under artificial light, in front of a glowing rectangle. You will walk by your motorcycle every one of those days, softly patting the seat and telling her that Saturday is coming soon.

You’ll call your insurance rep near the end of the week and tell her to start up the cycle insurance. And then on a Friday afternoon, spring will go away for about a month, and you and your sad heart will climb onto your bike and make ‘vroom-vroom’ noises as you watch the snow fall gently outside your garage window. That’s not the wind, that’s Mother Nature laughing maniacally in the background.

No. 8: Spring is wet. Very, very wet. There is an endless drip from the roof line that will send an ice cold drop of melted snow down your scalp. And no matter how carefully you position the car in the driveway or how fast you try to time your bolt to the porch that drip will find you.

You will go for dog walks and many times find an insurmountable puddle at the corner due to blocked sewer drains. Or worse, you’re walking along a busy street and an inattentive driver, unaware of the spatter factor because they never walk anywhere, sprays you with a fine rooster tail of mucky street water, and you get soaked. The dog park? Better wear your swampers, because there’s not a dry spot. Anywhere.

No. 9: Spring keeps you guessing. Wondering what to wear today? Well it doesn’t matter, because whatever you choose, it’ll be wrong. If you wear something thick or dress in layers, you’ll find the afternoon has turned warm and you are dying from being overheated. If you wear something new and spring-like from your closet because you’re excited the day will be warm, about 3 p.m. the sky will become overcast and sleet will begin to fall, giving you a body chill that you won’t be able to shake without standing in a hot shower for 20 minutes.

No. 10: Spring makes you regret being hopeful. Spring will seduce you into turning the heat off in your home in the morning as you leave for work because the birds are singing loudly outside and it looks like an amazingly beautiful day ahead.

Returning home in the evening, you find yourself shivering from a sudden chill as you settle in and begin to make supper. Upon checking the thermostat, you find the temperature has dropped an alarming seven degrees.

Oh yeah, I remember now … I had hope this morning. How silly of me.