By Paula O’Kray

With all the braying lately about who we are putting on the $20 bill and who can pee in what bathroom, I’ve been searching for some peace and quiet these days. It’s amazing what human beings can get their undies in a bundle about, and sometimes they go out of their way to find new ways to tie that knot.

I have to admit, sometimes I get taken up in the chaos. I’ve been trying to notice and disengage as soon as I’m aware. Like the old line from the movie “War Games,” “Sometimes the winning move is not to play.”

I’ve always been impressed by the simple wisdom of that line and over the years, it’s been a very helpful precept for me. As I get older, I find letting go a lot easier. I find myself seeking out the quiet, and a place where my thoughts can settle.

I’m a firm believer in the concept that there should still be times where you simply cannot be reached. The thing is, it’s up to us to create those spaces in our schedule. Telephones should not be taken into the bathroom. They also don’t need to go along on walks, to the park, on a date, or to dinner.

Remember answering machines? They were a good thing. Leave a message, I’ll get back to you. Almost nothing is ever that pressing that someone can’t leave a message that can be returned later. We need to reclaim our freedom from the cellphone ball-and-chain.

I was walking to work the other day enjoying the morning and all its sounds and sensations when I passed a young woman with her head down, eyes on the phone. I had to resist the urge to say, “PUT THE PHONE DOWN” to her. I’m thinking about getting it printed on a T-shirt so I can walk around in it, in situations where people are missing all the good stuff because they are too involved with their phone … but then again if it’s on my shirt and not in their phone, they’ll never get the message, will they?

I feel sorry for this phone generation. They don’t know how to unplug, put the phone down, and enjoy their children, their guests, conversation, or simply sitting still with their thoughts. I’m guilty of this as well from time to time, but more often than not I find myself completely ditching electronics for entire evenings and not really missing it.

Did you know that silence can actually grow brain cells? When sought on a regular basis, it can. The brain is actively internalizing and evaluating information during silence. Quiet time allows your consciousness to process things, so it’s a good idea to go silent once in a while and let the brain do its thing. Herman Melville once wrote, “All profound things and emotions of things are preceded and attended by silence.” It’s probably why we get some of our best ideas in the shower.

Silence relieves stress and tension. In fact, the brain is affected by sound even while you’re asleep. This translates to the brain as stress though, and if you live in a constantly noisy environment, your brain never really gets to truly rest.

Silence has been proven to be even more relaxing than music, which is a bit of a surprise. Periods of silence can help with reading attention, memory and problem solving. Silence is a pretty amazing therapy, and it’s becoming a rare commodity.

Sometimes silence happens accidentally. A few weeks ago the weather was terrible – it was a cold, gray day, and rain was imminent. But it was the weekend, and we always do the dog park on the weekend, so I bundled up and off we went.

Not surprisingly, we were the only ones there. I didn’t mind at all, because walking around the park alone is pretty zen-like for me. I was dressed for the weather so we could stay as long as my pup wanted.

I did what I normally do, which is simply follow her wherever she wants to go. This day she took the path along the fence, and merrily bounced along ahead of me, periodically stopping to look back and check on me, to make sure she hadn’t lost me.

At one point we walked past a large pile of brush made of broken branches from a large tree that had recently fallen. I didn’t really think much about it until I noticed that my dog was having a ball with it. She likes mousies, and I’m pretty sure she was trying to catch one. However, she’s a big girl and mousies can get into a lot of places she can’t. Still, she sniffed, dug, and circled the pile of brush with great enthusiasm and determination.

She played like this for what I guess was about 45 minutes, jumping over and diving under branches in pursuit of an unseen antagonist. I just stood there, looking on in the rainy sleet, delighted with her silly antics. For me, it was like watching a child play on a playground. At one point she appeared stuck and looked to me for some assistance.

I laughed and explained that I was sorry, but she was on her own getting out of that spot. She seemed to understand, and immediately shifted into reverse, backing out with little problem.

It was such a happy time, watching her play. I was in the moment and not thinking of anything else at that point. Not the weather, not the groceries, not the bills, the taxes, tomorrow, last week or a crappy conversation I had with somebody several months ago. I’m not really sure how long we even played at the park that day, as I didn’t have my phone with me and didn’t look at the clock before or after we were there.

It was a great afternoon. The dog playing in the brush was in her own kind of zen, and watching her, I was in another. Just being with each other and enjoying the simplicity of companionship in that moment. The stillness and the silence was a wonderful, good and healing moment, and it put everything in perspective for me.

After spending all that time growing my brain, I’ve come to a conclusion … for the record, I don’t really care who is peeing next to me in the ladies’ bathroom, and I also think SpongeBob would be a great idea for the 20.