By Paula O’Kray

You deserve a break today is not just an old slogan from a fast food chain. You really do deserve a break, and you should make sure you regularly schedule time for yourself. I never used to, and one summer it put me in a hospital. For real.

The attending doctor was very attentive and went into great detail about the importance of regularly relieving stress. He suggested many things to me that day. Among them were books I should read, taking yoga classes, meditating and massage. He really seemed to have his act together, so I paid attention to his advice.

Budgets don’t always allow for luxuries he listed, and there have been times in my life when I’ve made the bad decision of cutting out these things for the sake of saving a few bucks.

Unfortunately, I have always paid for it in other ways, and they haven’t been pretty. Like a lot of people, I have a tendency to ignore personal aches and pains so I can get something done. After all, there’s always something or someone to attend to. Ignore something long enough though, and it becomes a real problem.

Over the years I have tried to work in regular ways to relax, like reading a book, taking a walk, creating art, or listening to music. Problem is, I am terrible at being consistent, so none of these habits have ever really stuck.

I do read, but get part way through a book, and a project comes up and steals my time, and the bookmark stalls somewhere in the middle of the story. I have an art room filled with wonderful things, but there’s always some domestic duty that needs tending to. I do walk my dog every day, but it tends to be more of a stroll, since she likes to stop and sniff a lot, especially now that all the snowbanks are gone and there’s a lot to smell out there if you’re a dog.

I listen to music as often as I can, but not as often as I would like. And never as loud as I would like, either. I’m a child of the 60s, and grew up during a time when speakers at proper volume level could blow a match out. As they say, “If it’s too loud, you’re too old!”

However, silence can also be a soothing mental balm. Many times after a trying day at work, I’ll come home and meditate on my couch once I’ve let the dog out. The silence is delicious. I will sometimes do this in the morning before I get out of bed, but that generally results in me just falling back to sleep … and I do love my sleep.

One thing that I have somehow managed to be somewhat consistent with though, is a regular massage. People who’ve never had one typically have all sorts of pre-conceived notions about the experience. You might be surprised at what the actual experience is like.

My very first massage was a gift from a friend to a local spa. I’ll admit I did have some reservations about the whole thing, and I asked a lot of questions. Massage therapists don’t mind the questions.

Obviously, they want you to be as comfortable as possible so you enjoy the experience. In my opinion, the only dumb question is the one that’s never asked.

I remember really enjoying it, but the interesting thing to me was the places it felt the best … places you might not think. The knees, the hands, the ears. Really nice. And while you can rub your own knees and ears, you can’t massage your own hands. It’s a lot like cooking. You can make your own, but it always tastes better when someone makes it for you. And so it goes with massage.

Over the years I have met many lovely people who do this for a living. For one reason or another I moved on from one to another. Life is always changing, and I always managed to find the next good one when I needed to. Each had their own style, but all were attentive to my needs, all I needed to do was speak up. The temperature of the room, the amount of covering, the pressure applied … everyone has a preference. And since you’re paying for it, you should be happy with all aspects of the experience.

I schedule a massage every month to make sure I am taking time for myself. That way I can’t let a home project get in the way. I’m obligated to someone to be somewhere, and that for me, makes a big difference. An appointment just for me, that I can look forward to.

So, what’s a massage like? It begins with a chat with the therapist. What’s bothering you, and what needs extra attention? What to avoid? What style of massage you would like that day? There are several styles, and depending on what you like and season of the year, you might find some more appealing than others.

The therapist will be happy to describe them to you. In wintertime, I love a hot stone massage, where smooth heated stones of all sizes are used to warm muscles before they’re worked on. Price is the same, so it’s just a matter of preference.

At your first visit, the therapist might ask how much covering you prefer, although typically all your privates will be completely covered. A sheet is used to cover you while a particular part of the body is being worked on.

No worries, your backside is always covered while you’re on your tummy, and when you are resting on your back, everything that’s covered with a one-piece swimsuit won’t be bothered, either. Unless you want it to be. Some people enjoy tummy massage. But not this person.

Speaking of which, you’ll start by disrobing completely and laying on your tummy on the massage table, with your face in a padded pillow the shape of a toilet seat, but smaller. You cover up with the sheet, and take some nice deep breaths. I try to relax as completely as possible before the therapist comes in, and forget anything that’s bothering me that day.

There will be some soft music playing that you won’t recognize. Say something if you hate it, but you may not even notice. I like the fact that I can’t recognize the music because I can’t attach a memory to it, which will get me thinking about something. I like not to think for awhile, and let my brain take a break too. Some people like to chat with the therapist, and that’s just fine – it’s your hour – but I like it quiet, so I can get lost in the relaxation.

The therapist will ask if you have a preference for scented lotion, and sometimes oils, since aromatherapy has a lot to do with aiding relaxation. Applying the lotion to your back, the massage begins.

In my mind there are few things more wonderful in life that a good back rub. Thing is, massage therapists don’t just rub your back.  They understand exactly what’s underneath your skin and are very good at finding the trouble spots. And taking care of trouble spots can mean hurting you a bit. And depending on your tolerance level, you may need to speak up.

I’ve had massages where I’ve felt like every muscle was pulled out of my back and put back in. I’ve also had to learn how not to fight the therapist, which might sound amusing, but if you’re like me and have trouble relaxing, it’s a feeling you have to get used to.

I’m pretty good at it now, but once in awhile I have to focus on laying there like a rag doll so the therapist can do what I paid them for.

Sometimes it tickles, too. Odd places on my back, calves or obviously the feet can result in me pulling back a bit when it’s about to feel too tickly. For the most part, I just relax and enjoy the feeling as the therapist moves from one appendage to another, pushing out all the soreness.

Some people are odd about going to a particular gender of massage therapist. I have gone to both, and if you have a good therapist, there is no difference. I only truly had one bad experience many years ago, with a woman who was so vertically challenged that she couldn’t reach all of my back, and asked me mid-massage if I could “scoot over” so she could finish.

Once you’re all relaxed, any amount of scooting is going to undo the progress already made, and though I accommodated her, I was extremely disappointed. Because of that, and the fact that she spent the entire hour yammering on about her failed online dating experiences. Needless to say, I didn’t return.

Flipping over onto your back, the therapist might place something soothing over your eyes, so you can’t see what they’re doing next. Just kidding. It’s just another way to help you relax, and is usually filled with small beads to conform better to your face.

The therapist will work from your feet to your face, again keeping all your secrets safe under the sheet. I almost forgot to mention that massage beds are heated, and can be adjusted to whatever you like. Having random hot flashes like I do though, I’ve found it best to keep the bed completely off, since I’m doing the heating all by myself.

Once your hour is up, you’ll have a minute or so to lie there and savor the feeling. You won’t want to leave at that point though, you’ll want to lay there and just nap.

Unfortunately, that’s not an option. I usually stretch a bit and then reluctantly get off the massage table nice and slow, and proceed to get dressed. I might grab a treat (or three) from the bowl of chocolates on my way out as well.

Final word of advice: Bring a comb. Because you’ll have quite a laugh when you see your hair in the mirror.